April 3rd 2009
Yes. I think the title already said it all. if you don't want or have time to talk to me then don't. I hate it when people come on msn and start a conversation and just when I begin talking about something you leave. wtf! really its not only rude its just mean.
ok ya So stuff happened like usual and I got mad like usual and ya....
I don't know I've been more and more moody lately. I have mood swings like every minute. It really annoys me A LOT! Sometimes I wonder do you just like making me mad?!! its like you do it on purpose. Sometimes I think I'm not actually mad at you mad. I'm more sad than mad. like I said I don't think I can ever ever hate you although I say it all the time but you know I can't. and I think you take advantage of the fact I won't ever hate you.
and really thanks a lot for changing your vacation time. you won't be here for my birthday again. You probably don't remember it was my birthday anyways.

ok so my smartftp expired so I don't know when I'll be able to update again after this .... hopefully soon. =(

March 31th 2009
Its funny how lately I've been seeing you on the bus A LOT. haha but I like it.
So didn't see you today or talk to you and not going to talk/see you tmr. sigh.... and the day after I'll only get to see you for a hour. I wonder how next week will be. But I'm very very very happy that you are not going on vacation anymore. <3
haha. I'm selfish, I know

March 28th 2009
YES today was amazing!!! our first 'date'. it was way more than what I expected. I'm glad you had as much fun as I did. Time seems to pass by so fast when you are with the person you like. And I was so happy when you said you wanted to go out again sometimes. So I'll just skip all the details here. but it will all be in my heart, March 28th 2009 will be a day I'll never forget. I hope you won't either.

March 27th 2009
The reason that I haven't updated lately wasn't because nothing happened. Actually its just the opposite. So much has happened in the Past few days that I don't even know where to start. Things has been pretty calm for so long. Everythings been like a routine for so long now that I'm so use to it I can't afford any change. And I don't want any change right now either. Although I complain a lot I still like the way things are right now. I DON'T WANT any change. But there are things that I can't control doesn't matter how much I don't want it to, it will still change. I guess in a way I know it would eventually (its life) but I guess I just didn't want to have to face it at least not now, not this fast.knowing that I might never be able to work with or see you again worries me. I know that if we stopped working together eventually you will forget about me. And I'll lose that little bit of friendship that we had. Knowing that frustrates me. I don't know what I'll do if I can't see you anymore. And the fact that I know you won't miss me as much as I miss you makes me sad and even more frustrated about myself, about why do I have to care about someone that doesn't even care about me.The reason I was so mad yesterday after I found out my schedule wasn't because I didn't have enough shifts. It was because I won't get to see you as much. I already won't see you for a month for your vacation. and the limited amount of time we do have together I can't have anyone take that away from me. To make things worse I was devastated when you told me that you might be put at a different place after your vacation! I don't know how I'll be able to work if its working without you. . .

tomorrow is the big day I hope everything goes well . . . please . . . I really need tomorrow to go well . . . I'll go crazy if something changes again

I like talking to you every morning
I want to be the last person you talk at night
I hope nothing will change
I wish you weren't leaving . . .

March 21th 2009
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I love you to love me....
This exactly what I want. I'm so in love with this song right now
So.. I've been thinking lately (again) I think I finally know why I'm always so mad at you. The problem is that the closer we can the further we grow apart. For me, the closer I am with someone the more I expect from them (and I don't think there's anything wrong with that). Because we are so much closer now, I expect you to be there for me when I need you or when I want your help.
But for you, its just the opposite. You always say the reason you are not here is because we are close. You think its more important for you to be there for people you are not as close to because since we are close I should understand and forgive you for not being there.
See this is our problem we are total opposites. And it makes me mad everytime you are not there and you get mad because you think I'm not being understanding enough.
I really sometimes wonder maybe it would of been better if we never got to be so close. I still remember when we just started to work together I thought you were the nicest manager there (I guess you still are) you do so much for me and always there to help me out. But I guess since we weren't close we hardly really talked. Now we talk a lot which is good But I also miss you being there for me. YES I know I'm greedy but I can't help it. I guess its a girls thing.

March 16th 2009
so let me start with the happy stuff first shall we?
I was so happy today when I saw you on the bus. Everytime I head to work I always wonder if I would see you on the bus. but most of the time (every single time actually) it always end in disappointment. Its either you were already at work or you were on the next bus (since it comes every 5 mins). But seeing you today made me so so so happy =)
Also I was so glad that you didn't send me home from work instead you sent someone else. and when you told me that you know I lived far and it wasn't my fault that I didn't have to train today So you didn't want me to go home. I felt so .... i dont know how to describe it but it was good. I'm a girl that can be satisfied very easily, I'm not asking a lot since we are just 'friends', I just wanted to know/see that you do care from what you do instead of what you say. you always say that you tell me everything, and that you care etc. but you really never showed it. thats why I always have so many doubts about our 'friendship'.
ok say this is where it begins to go downhill....
I don't know why but it seems you are always willing to help other people just not me!!! why???!!! of course I'm pissed. and it does not help that everytime I get pissed at this you always say 'cuz I know you are good! I know you don't need my help!' NOOO!!! sometimes I do!! and not needing help does not equal not wanting help!!! I work so hard because I don't want you to be stressed but sometimes it hurts when I care so much about you and all you do is help others. Today you said I'm always there to catch you when you fall. YES I AM!! ALWAYS!!! but I really wanted to say but you are NOT! in fact you are almost never there when I need you!! I use to be okay with it but I don't know if its my patience running low or what ... sigh.... i dont even know anymore. I always want to see you but everytime after I see you theres always something that I'm upset about.
I'm the type of girl that if I get pissed at my friends (especially a guy) I would just not talk to them anymore. I don't like to argue or confrontations. So I would rather just not talk. But I guess its not that great since you never seem to get it until after sooooo long.
SIGH.... I'm just so confused right now. I have way too much on my mind and this is not the time for it. I have final exams in less than a month and so much stuff to do I don't have time to think about you. yet I can't seem to get it ourt of my head!!!!. sometimes I wonder maybe it'll be good that you are going on vacation soon, maybe not seeing you for a month let me cool down a bit. BUT on the other hand I don't know how in hell am I gonna survive that month.

wow I just realized how long this post is =P

Sometimes I wish we have never met. . .

. . . Maybe then it would save me from the pain now.

March 13th 2009
My life this week has been a lot less dramatic. Nothing much happened at work. Although yesterday (thursday again) I tried to control my temper the whole shift. Last thursday I was so pissed off at you because you didn't help me when I needed the help and this thursday once again you still didn't but for some reason I wasn't as mad. I tried to control myself. It's kind of pointless anyways not that you would care much even if I was pissed. I think our relationship has came to a halt. I think we have ran out of topics to talk about it just seems kind of boring. I hope next week will be better.

March 11th 2009
Before seeing you I really had mixed feelings. I didn't know how it was gonna be. Usually before going to work I'm always so excited and happy about seeing you. But this time I wasn't sure since last week things didn't go too well. Before I stepped in I wondered what you were gonna say about not calling me. would you pretend nothing happened?, say you forgot or ... i dont even know. But I was happy about the answer you gave me although it was very lame but at least you didn't pretend nothing happened. and I was glad it was the first thing you brought up. and I was happy you thought I was gonna be mad you. I was but it kinda all faded by the time I saw you.

March 8th 2009
yup its snowing again in March!!! it was so sunny this morning. the sun was so bright it woke me up at 8am! and thanks to daylight savings I lost an hour of sleep and had to wake up early. but now its snow so hard outside it really is like a blizzard!!
haha thanks Bianca!!! I didn't think anyone was going to read/care about my rants but its good to have a listener (reader) sometimes.
Well after my sad sad day on Friday I decided to go shopping yesterday. and bought a whole bunch of stuff. Now I know why girls loves shopping so much. it cures everything (at the moment at least lol).

March 7th 2009
So yesterday I've been waiting for you to call for the whole and at the end you still didn't. It wasn't much of a suprprise to me because although you said (promised) you'll the day before, I had very little hope in it actually happening. I really did want you to call me but I didn't want to keep my hopes up cuz I know I'll only get hurt at the end.
And Please stop saying we never hang out and stuff because its not me that doesn't want to. if you really wanted to hang out as much as say you want to then you would of called me!!!!
sometimes I wonder why do I care about you so much, I mean what are we anyways, coworkers? acquaintances? friends? friends? best friends? ... You always tell people that we are good friends cuz we have known each for a long time, but you sure don't treat me like one. I don't want to admit it but slowly I think I am falling for you more and more but its those little things that makes re-consider it all. maybe we are just coworkers I mean if one day you or me quit would we talk again? I don't think so
you know I actually really hate it when people at work say we are so close because we are NOT. I hardly know you at all.